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Archive for July, 2012

I haven’t kept my drink diary since my last appointment with E at Thin City Addiction Services. I don’t want to look at the amount I’ve been drinking – hint, it’s been far too much.

I’m worrying a lot about how I’m going to cope with cutting down. The last time I got sober I was an in patient at Thin City’s lovely psychiatric hospital. The waiting lists are long. I had months to consider my impending abstinence and said goodbye to booze (albeit temporarily as it transpired) with a fairly monumental tribute to the Big Leboswki – hint, white Russians.

Mag was away yesterday and when Mag’s away – hint, see above.

So, I’ve definitely taken a step back. Or two or three. And, I need to get back on my cut down horse and gallop towards July 16 and the zero unit days that are to follow if I’m going to get on my Antabuse regime on time.

It’s boredom. A lot of it is. And hopelessness. I should be writing and looking for work but as soon as I start I smash myself in the expectations with the uselessness of it all. I’ve not had a very happy work history – hint, alcoholics often don’t. Finding new work is going to be tough. I want to get away from relying on my parents – hint, the early 40s are usually only about 20 years too late.

I’ve been going to The Spread every day but, to be honest, although it gets me out of the house it hasn’t been much fun.

I might meet up with Jiffkriff later. I don’t feel so bad when I have someone to drink with. Really, I should stay in and get the three bottles (an estimate) I’ll need to see off the withdrawals.

Onwards and upwards.

Thin City Citizen.

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Another Sunday, another binge. I’m not sure how much exactly that I drank and I’m going to have to work that out for my drink diary.

It was enough to make me throw up when I got home though. (Although, GBDUSD’s famed cannabis tincture might have had some play in that.) It’s unusual for me to throw up while drunk, it’s usually morning after stuff for me. I’m glad in a way. I had a lot of booze in me and then I had a lot less. Worryingly though there was blood in there – a big snotty looking, clotty looking red warning sign. I don’t know if that was stomach related or lung related, but it came from a place where blood does not come from in healthy people.

So, I don’t feel as bad today as I deserve to in many ways.

I’m up and writing, I’ve eaten, I’ve washed up. Mag is due back this afternoon, but I’ve already been texting Jiffkriff to see about meeting up this afternoon – I’m still terrified of not having a good excuse to go to the Spread.

Time to get busy I think.

Take it easy.

Thin City Citizen.

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