Archive for the ‘nutrition’ Category

The last three days have started brilliantly. I may have gone off track a little after that but the beginnings have been good.

Did you see what I did there? I attributed the good stuff to something abstract (the days), and the bad stuff to myself. Mmm. Vaguely interesting. I suspect if you’re an addict or suffering from depression you probably find yourself doing the same.

So. I have started the last three days brilliantly. The challenge now is to keep it up. I’m exercising. Woohoo! I know it’s good for my mood. I’ve done this before and not managed to stick at it but for the moment I feel exponentially better for my little morning workout. It’s nothing major: I jump on the exercise bike and cycle as long (not very long) and hard (not very hard) as I can. Then I do 10 press ups (this number will hopefully increase with time) and 30 crunchy things. After that it’s what I can remember of the Tai Chi warm up routine and running through the form as far as I’ve got (not very far) 10 times. Then I meditate for 15 minutes.

I’m off to the hospital tomorrow to find out what the scan of my lungs reveals. What my exercise reveals is that I get out of puff pretty damn quickly. I smoked too much over Christmas, I’m back at lower levels now, but I should quit. But smoking, like drinking, has an enormously powerful psychological role in my conception of myself as an adult – foolish I know, but these lessons learned (in adolescence in this case) take some time to unlearn.

It beats the hell out of lying in bed wishing I were dead and throwing up as a start to the day.

My experiment is actually around vitamin D. I did some writing for a company on the ‘winter blues’ and there’s some recent research that vitamin D may help alleviate depression. So, I’ve got 100 tablets of 1,000iu vitamin D3 (there’s a D2 as well, but what I’ve read suggests three is better), which cost me £4.99 and I’m taking one a day to start with. I don’t get out enough at the best of times – being fair of skin and reddish of hair I’ve the sun has not always been my friend. And, while my diet is good I’ve read that it’s tough to eat enough liver, eggs and so on to get our daily jolt of vitamin D. Once you start looking into things the advice you find online can be so contradictory that it’s confusing as hell. Hence the 1,000ius a day (I’ve seen up to 5,000 recommended).

We shall see.

Onwards and upwards.

If you spent it, thank you for your time.



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When one complains of oscillating moods, I think it’s only fair to report the upside. Which is the up side.

And today, my good blog browsing friends (are you a follower or just passing through? – I have a readership of over 10 I’ll have you know) I’m on the up diddley up up.

I’ve been to work. My one day a week at the magazine office in the FIA. It’s not stunningly rewarding work but it – as they say – gets me out of the house and, although I’m not exactly the office chatterbox, gets me talking to people.

So, today I feel positive. Today I feel glad to be sober. Today I am happy that I awoke with no hangover, that I didn’t have to fight the uneven and seemingly never-ending war of the drink related diarrhea. Today, even my skin seems better.

(I was going to regale you with a post, “Antabuse Vs the world’s skin care industries”, but I am no longer in that groove. Suffice it to say that almost every medicine I use for my eczema contains alcohol. The Doge, who knows about such things, being a scientist and all that jazz, tells me it’s because alcohol evaporates very quickly. I don’t care. I hate them for it. Cripes that very nearly was a post).

Yes, so, today my skin feels better.

And, I’m not drunk. Mag’s out so I can write now. And I do feel a new positivity as I’d hoped to on quitting the booze.

That’s the upsy downsy thing in a nutshell though. I can predict it. And being able to predict it ought to be able to fix it.

It goes just a little like this.

Wake up. I’m not hung over! Hurrah!

Eat breakfast. Wow! I never eat breakfast this is great! And, I haven’t dumped burning rubbish in the sink or let mould grow all over the kitchen. Get me sugar!

Log onto computer full of hope, happiness and home-made muesli.


Sit and think.

Have good idea.

Dismiss good idea because it will fail and I will look a fool at whom all the world will last.


Sit and start to get hungry.

Start to log onto news sites and read reams of comments that make me want to scream. Indulge in horrible bitter revenge fantasies about commenters and start to Google their details.

Sit and get hungrier.

Go to kitchen. Decide cooking will inevitably lead to washing up (I’m good at causality an shit like that), so make rubbish sandwich.

Sit and look at computer.

Wait for 5 o’ clock so I can pretend I’ve done a days work.

Finish ‘work’.

Waste more time on Facebook and comment sites. Realise I have 18 windows open, none of which are doing any good to anyone (you may gather from reading this that I have something of a magpie mind and the internet is not healthy for my focus pulling skills. I’m working on it mind.)

Start to get hungry.

I think that’s enough now. Don’t you think. Dull, huh? You’re right (I know you’re right), a lot of this could be summed up in one word – LAZINESS.

And a lot of that LAZINESS is in fact a shield behind which lies FEAR.

Right, so we’re diagnosed now for the cure.

And the cure my wordpress wandering friends is…


Shall we try that? Yeah, lets try that.

Tomorrow, if not earlier.



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I filled in my drink diary as usual this morning. And, the Thin City Citizen is pleased and proud to announce (to a no-doubt fascinated readership of what WordPress stats inform me could be as many as 20 people) that a big fat zero went in column one and another in column two.

Yes, I drank nowt yesterday. At least nothing alcoholic. Much tea there was. Much water too. I even followed some online advice and bought some Diaoralyte – the re-hydration sachets that you’re supposed to take when you have diaorhea – and forced (sorry, they taste vile) one of those down too.

This morning I loaded up the pill tray again for the following week. I’m now taking – deep breath – this each day:

20mg Citalopram – in the morning, this is my anti-anxiety prescription.

30mg Mirtazapine – in the evening, this is my antidepressant.

Vitamin B compound strong – I take three a day from the huge stockpile that built up when I was last sober but not taking my medication properly.

100 mg thiamine – one a day.

500mg Vitamin C – I’m taking two. I’m still petrified that my pneumonia will come back and cost me my job, and this seems a decent way to combat it.

550mg cod liver oil – I’m taking this on the basis that it can’t do any harm and my nutrition of late has been appalling.

Calcium, magnesium and zinc – and not just any calcium, magnesium and zinc ladies and gentlemen, no this is calcium, magnesium and zinc that has been chelated – whatever the dickens chelated might mean. Again, I’m taking one of these every other day on the basis that it was in the house anyway and it can’t do any harm. Although I read online it could be a good treatment for anxiety.

And that’s that.

I’m also eating a lot more and a lot more healthily. And, you have no idea how much better I feel already (of course, you may, in which case apologies for failing to recognise your extraordinary empathy or own experience of alcoholism).

I’m sleeping less (this is good, I used to be in a 12 hour coma). I have energy. My anxiety is more manageable. My depression is less of a problem. I’m busier. I’m more productive. I’m reading again. I’m listening to music again.

To counter this exhausting and tedious list of Good Things, I am still concerned about my lungs. I’ve cut down on the fags and hope all those vitamins might be doing me some good, but I feel like the pneumonia is coming back. I have shortness of breath, I sweat with very minor exertion and feel of slightly ‘out of it’. I’m also a bit concerned that I wake up every morning with pins and needles.

But these are minor doodahs on the thingummy and otherwise I’m on top of the world ma.

Leave a message below if I’m out.

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